Seeking The Soul: Adam Randazzo

Seeking the Soul: Adam Randazzo

By Associate Director, Rev. Michael Reed

In time for Pride month, our "Seeking the Soul" series features an interview with Rev. Adam Randazzo, the Pastor of Living Faith UMC in Massachusetts, and Director of Rolling Ridge's upcoming "Trans Families Together" retreat, happening July 5-9. As a pastor and parent of a trans child himself, Adam offers a poignant perspective on embracing trans and nonbinary identities. He talks about the challenges trans youth face, and—with personal stories and heartbreaking statistics—speaks to the need for this retreat. Adam’s distinction between understanding and accepting—as well as the difference between breakdowns and breakthroughs—are both ideas worth engaging and sharing. His message throughout rings true: trans youth deserve to be loved and celebrated for who they are.

Associate Director Michael Reed’s questions are in bold, followed by Adam’s responses.
 

Can you tell us what your role is at Rolling Ridge, and how you first got involved with us?

I've been going to Rolling Ridge since I was 13 years old. I'm now in my 40s. I was a member of West Chelmsford United Methodist Church, and we had our church retreats there. When I was in the ordination process, I attended Provisional Leadership Academy retreats there as well. My child used to come with me because I was a single dad at that point. They have a lot of happy memories at Rolling Ridge as a three-year-old!

I reengaged with the Ridge recently, because my child came out to me as trans. I reached out to a couple of people in the New England United Methodist Conference that I really trusted, saying, ‘Hey, I need some support here.’ 

Someone said to me, ‘Oh, I think Rolling Ridge might be doing a retreat about LGBTQ issues at some point.’ I was interested, but there wasn’t anything definite yet. So I told them that if a retreat like that ever got started, to let me know. One thing led to another, and [Executive Director] Larry Jay reached out to me. I came over for lunch—you guys always have the best lunches—and he said, ‘How’d you like to help me run this thing?’

I was a little perplexed, but I said okay, and here we are. I’m now the director of the Trans Families retreat.

As a pastor and as a parent, how did you feel when your child came out as trans? 

I wasn’t concerned about the theological implications of it at all. Because, you know, God made us the way God made us. And we're made just fine. It's humans that impose all sorts of rules and regulations that God didn't impose on us.

As a dad, there were changes I had to get used to. The name change was probably the hardest part for me. But it didn’t make a difference to how I felt. I was as supportive as I could be. 

Everybody asks—were you emotional? And I always say, "No! I love my kid for them being who they are." Yes, there was a loss in a sense. But I'm okay with that. Because in the end—as I joke around with my child—I got a two-for-one deal. You know, I got to try out both.

Just to get it on the record, so to speak, how do you define ‘trans’ and other terminology used for this retreat—for example, trans and nonbinary?

I go with the medical definitions from the National Institutes of Health: “A transgender person is someone who identifies with a gender other than the one that was assigned to them at birth. Nonbinary people are part of the trans community, and identify outside of a gender binary by seeing themselves as neither a man nor a woman.” So you have transgender male to female, female to male, or neither.

I recommend people look through the definitions from the National Institutes of Health. I find them really helpful.

Tell us about the Trans Families Retreat in July. Why is this retreat so important?

You know, I was talking to one of my parishioners about this retreat. As soon as I told her about it, she said, “This is amazing. My best friend's child is trans. I can’t wait to share it with them.” So she called her friend as soon as she left church that day. 

I got a phone call back from my parishioner a little while later. Her best friend’s child tried to kill themselves—tried to commit suicide—because they were not being accepted for who they were.

That’s why this retreat is important. That’s why I harp on the statistics a lot. In all my writings, I harp on the statistics. 80% of trans youth have thought about self-harm. 40% have attempted self-harm or tried to commit suicide.

You know, being a teenager in this world is not easy in the first place. And having another layer of gender identity thrown in makes it even more complex. It can be frightening. And I want to make sure trans kids feel loved and cared for in every step of their journey.

You can learn more about the Trans Family Retreat and our leadership team, as well as how to sign up or share information with your community, by clicking here. Spaces are still available, and costs for trans youth are 100% covered for trans youth. Camperships are also available for families.  Please email for a simple application.  We do not want money to hinder any family from attending.

What are you looking forward to as a parent during the Trans Families retreat?

I think it’s all about having everyone all together. It’s about togetherness. I know that will be one of my highlights. A lot of trans youth don’t have any trans friends their age, or even remotely close to their age. 

So I'm looking forward to the opportunities for people to connect with other trans folks and other family members who are dealing with the same thing that they are. It’s an amazing opportunity.  

I'm looking forward to being able to talk to some other parents—like, ‘How do you deal with this? And what do you think about that?’ It will be a safe space to ask basic questions of each other and also receive guidance from some of the people in the room who know how to deal with the issues that come up—and have experience with these things. 

Another great thing about this whole retreat is the opportunities for siblings. My whole family is coming on the retreat—my wife and all the children in our family. We have a trans teenager, as well as an older teenager who is not trans. My older one is looking forward to being able to talk to other siblings. It’s such a great idea to make sure that siblings are included.

Obviously, concerns about trans people and trans rights — and especially issues related to trans youth — are a real flashpoint in our culture right now. I know of parents who might have more reservations than you do about wholeheartedly embracing their child’s trans identity. What would you say to them?

I'm definitely not ignorant of other people's feelings, or that other people don't have this type of embrace. But I make a clear distinction in my brain—the difference between understanding and acceptance. Those are two totally different things. And I don’t have to understand everything to be accepting. I tell myself—and I would tell others with trans children—I don't need to completely understand this, I need to support and accept them for who they say they are.

Acceptance is me saying: ‘I love you for exactly who you are. Trans or not, I love you. And I'm going to support you.’ That support includes me trying to understand. But it’s not waiting until I understand perfectly before I begin to accept.

Can you share with us a bit more about what’s going to take place during the retreat?

Over the weekend, we'll have some group activities. We're all making pronoun pin buttons that we can wear, for example. There will be fun activities like stargazing. My family loves stargazing—you should have seen us when the aurora borealis was here!

On Saturday, we’re having a Pride family picnic that’s open to the public.  Everyone is invited! During the Saturday picnic, there's going to be games and things like that. At other times, we’ll meet together as affinity groups, and we'll have dinner and meals together. Often in the Bible, when Jesus shows up, or when he shares his teaching, it's through a meal. Eating together is important.

We're going to have a therapist there on hand, just in case. And when I was talking to the therapist, it hit me that nobody's going to have a breakdown. They're all breakthroughs. If you think somebody's having a breakdown, now, they're just having to break through to a different level. Identity. So we're going in with that, and it's all breakthrough. 

As well as the therapists, we have spiritual directors, pastors, and experienced advocates for trans issues and identity. They're going to be on hand working with people. We’ve worked hard to assemble a great team of leaders.

On Saturday, July 6th, Rolling Ridge invites our entire community to a free Family Pride Picnic. You’re welcome to join us! RSVP here.

Last question: if you had one message, that you could whisper in people’s ear or shout from the rooftops or somehow psychically transmit, what would you say? As a person and a pastor concerned about trans youth—what do you want people to know?

That they are loved and supported. That trans youth are celebrated in their gender identity. Not despite their gender identity, but including their gender identity.

And as for the Trans Families Retreat, I think this is an amazing opportunity. We're right at the forefront of this. Right here. The United Methodist Church just decided at General Conference that we can do this without fear. New England was already there. But I would point and shout and say, ‘You are loved for who you are.’

You can contact Rev. Adam Randazzo at transfamilies@rollingridge.org. This interview has been edited for length and clarity.